My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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