Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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