GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
