Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
