U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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