Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
