While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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