I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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