help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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