if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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