Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
