I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Randomize
