just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
