Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
