i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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