I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this is an emotional support booty call
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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