Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
