Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
