HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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