so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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