just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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