i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
