god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
