Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
