Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
