I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
