It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
