one two three fourrrrnication!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
