They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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