i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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