i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
