some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
