Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
