if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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