I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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