This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
