I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
