see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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