I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
