We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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