i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
