Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
