Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
