I think I just saw someone hide a body.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
