She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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