can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
