I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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