Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
