I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
