you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
