my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
