i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
