i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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