Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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