He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
