I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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