Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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