No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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