Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
