I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
